for the queen who won't sit on her throne

it's time, my love. if not now, when?

for as long as i can remember i have seen the unseen.

if you threw me into a board room today, i’d be able to tell you which two at the table were fucking, which one is silo-ing work, which one is doing more harm in your company than good, and which human you should be doubling down on before they leave you.

when i work with others, i can see a map of their operating systems… the fears running the show, the weird shit around money, around love, around Self…

when i work with myself, i have to approach it differently, but it’s one of my favorite things to do… understand and expand. understand and expand. understand and expand.

but whenever i go deep… i never really feel connected to what most “pros” say about money work, manifestation, or blocks.

instead, it feels wildly elementary to me.. like it brings you to the library but doesn’t tell you what book to look for. like cool thanks so much. 🙄

here’s the deal:

typical money block: rich people are bad… but, i don’t believe wealthy people are inherently evil… not even close

typical money block: a person shouldn’t accumulate more than they need… but, i was genuinely excited when elon musk became the first trillionaire

typical money block: i don’t feel worthy… but, i absolutely feel worthy… actually beyond that, i have this ‘knowing’ that i sit with often. one that says that i am beyond worthy to hold massive wealth and love and and and and…

typical money block: money is hard to make… but, money isn’t hard to make… there are people printing cash every day in some of the most creative ways i’ve ever seen…

and i could do this with the 27 other “ENERGETIC BLOCKS TO MONEY” that are listed in courses that 99% of manifestation coaches sell.

they don’t track for me. i healed that shit long ago. so now what, why am i not a million, billion, trillion, jillian-aire?

i am noticing something more and more about the brilliant men and women that have been coming into my field through a myriad of ways… and i don’t see most of them hold many (or any) of the typical money blocks we hear about…

and yet some of the most fucking hot, amazing, smart, creative, wonderful humans i know… are broke as shit right now.

make that make sense. (okay don’t worry, i’ll do it)

tonight was one of those nights of mine that my loved ones get ferociously angry about… i have a ‘to do’ list a mile and a half long and never get enough sleep, but tonight it felt important to go deep into some of my own operating systems around wealth and around love… and interestingly enough, how it’s all ties back to this substack.

so in that beautiful 3am hour.. here i am once again. but this time, it’s important you listen because i’m on a pathway of changing everything in my life… and if you remotely feel any relation to this post so far, i think i can help you

i’m not a bi-jillian-aire yet because i’ve been a benefactress who won’t sit on my throne.

i have the intelligence, the gifts, the magnetism, the vision, and the capacity. people fall in love with me on the regular. i have been almost casted on numerous reality shows because the directors obsess over my magic… i have that “thing that they can’t really put their finger on.” the first year ever in my very first business and i make $100k almost accidentally.

but then i step sideways, something weird happens, an opportunity falls through, i get fired, i get pregnant…

i kept feeling into this. “wtf am i blocking?”

i went down a path that it wasn’t me and it was just weird shit happening… but no, it’s me. i’ll always take radical responsibility for my life.

here’s what i figured out: my parents are two of the most wonderful humans i’ve ever met. they had me a bit older in life and due to complications, i am forever an only child.

these same parents worked their ass off the entirety of my existence to support me. that started as a baby when they already started saving for my college experience, then in high school when i made it to nationals in competitions that our high school had never seen.. and i kept doing it and doing it again and again across numerous clubs and organizations.

our small school had no budget to send me to compete, and i remember my parents pausing family vacations together so they could afford to send me off to these competitions.

it continued in college when i failed a latin class and lost some of my valedictorian scholarship money.

and it kept continuing when i got a divorce and needed help.

and again in my lowest financial state ever when my house heater broke down and they stepped in.

they’ve supported business ideas. they’ve loved me through it all.

so tonight, i was reflecting on personal relationships and if i was feeling soft and open to receiving (money and love are always connected)… i wasn’t entirely surprised by what was coming up for me… but it still hit like a ton of bricks

i realized that my parents never, not once, made me feel like i was a burden to them.. they never made me pay them back… they never made me feel bad for a second that i needed help…

but despite all of that, as a very gifted little girl (and also as a 36-year old woman) who sees the unseen, i felt their sacrifice even when they shielded it. i absorbed at a cellular level that my giftedness (therefore my existence) created strain on the people that i loved most.

so what did i do?

i made a very quiet (so quiet, i didn’t even know that i did it), loving, and unconscious decision that i would not cost people. i would give more than i took. i would be the support system, not the one being supported. and i would stay slightly behind the curtain, the camera, or the celebrity so that my full expansion would never burden anyone, but that my gifts were still put to good use

and this unconscious decision has been running my finances, my relationships, and my visibility ever since

and so i give. i bee-bop around my little queendom… hell i even build beautiful fucking cathedrals even though i then choose to stand outside them.

and maybe that would be okay…

but the issue is that, your throne sits empty whether or not you choose to sit in it.

that’s the thing. you cannot be replicated.

the world has made sure we believe that if we sit too long on something that someone will rush in and take our place.

i actually think that’s the subconscious thing that too many of us have relied on. that you’re actually not that special… not that needed… not that different.

but you are. and you know you fucking are.

so i’m going to reframe that. some people say no one is coming to save you. but you don’t need saving…

so i’m going to say, no one is going to come sit on your throne.

no one is going to serve your people. take care of your children and your animals. help the sick and the old. no one is going to speak your truth. no one will ensure that your rules are applied out of love and care and responsibility and integrity.

instead? famine (even if creative famine). chaos (no leadership). war (no love and no peace).

and you know what’s worse? the suffering exists not even because there is someone there who is innately bad… it’s instead that the good one was just so capable everywhere else that she never had to sit down and hold the weight of what it would mean to take her rightful seat.

so it’s time, my love.

give yourself a fucking chance at the life you dream about. the wealth, the love, the purpose… it all exists if you just take a breath and go sit on your throne.

start receiving. but go further. choose that you will be poured into. heavily. by those that love you. and that they are capable enough to do so.

start showing up. make the post on substack. then do it again. don’t even put that shit into ai so it gets watered down. just post it.

have queen-sex. the kind where you are worshipped. don’t fuck around with people who can’t hold your queendom.

i know you are extraordinary. i believe you feel your destiny clearly. i now need you to know that you are the source itself.

your expansion is the gift. your full visibility doesn’t cost anyone anything, actually it is what the world (your world) has been waiting for.

you just need to go sit on your throne and speak.

because you are royalty. you deserve to be wealthy. you deserve to be chosen first. you deserve to feel wisdom flow out of your veins for the world to receive. you deserve to receive now. the wealth, the love, the attention…

but you have to sit on the throne.

and hi, welcome to mine.